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| This pic is not related to the story. HAHA this is me and my boyfriend captured in sm fairview :p |
a new town. Here I met new people and made new friends. Among these people were my neighbors Jesse and Lee. They were brothers. I met Jesse first when he was dating one of my friends. Over time Jesse and I began talking a lot and hanging
out. We became very good friends. One day while sitting out in Jesse's driveway
like we always did, I saw Lee. I swear I thought it was love at first sight. He
was so handsome with bright blue eyes and light blonde hair. He smiled at me in
this way that made my heart sink to the floor. I knew that Lee had noticed
me too because he always had that look on his face when he looked at me. You
know that look... the one that says "i have a crush on you but i don't know what
to do about it." I was in love with the idea of just having that kind of
attention from him. From that day on, every time I went to their house to
hang out with Jesse, Lee would always go out of his way to say "hi." Slowly, he
started hanging out with us every time we were together. It was usually the
three of us until one day Jesse decided that he should just let the two of us
hang out since that was what we really wanted. Lee started coming to my house
and hanging out more often. As i went into High School my crush became more
of a liking. I always had to be around Lee or at least see him. He worked at the
local grocery store so I would make my way there every day just to see him. We
became the closest of friends and we knew that we liked one another but I guess
we were just too afraid to do anything about it. Then he moved. Not just to
another house. Not just down the block, the street or to the other side of town.
He moved to Fort Wayne, Indiana. Quite a drive from Wisconsin. We would write
each other and I would get to see him on holidays and during the rodeo when he
would come to visit his grandma who was still my neighbor. Even though the
both of us had grown up and were more mature, we never wanted to do anything
that would turn what we had into some long distance relationship that would
never work out. We were growing up which included meeting and falling for other
people. I still had feelings for Lee but as time went on we became more distant.
We even stopped writing. One day during my junior year I walked into school
and someone told me that Lee had died. I couldn't believe it. I didn't believe
it. I didn't know what to say, do or think. I couldn't move and I couldn't
speak. I remember thinking to myself, "they have to be wrong," and "don't
cry." They said it was something in his brain. I thought I knew for sure
right then that it wasn't Lee. He was fine. There was nothing wrong with him and
if there had been I would've known. Then his cousin told me... it was true, Lee
was dead. He had an anorism in his brain which killed him instantly. There was
no way of detecting it. It just happens, rarely happens. But, "why to Lee?" I
asked myself. I couldn't do anything but cry. I went home that night and I
cried everything I had left to cry. I talked to Lee and Italked to God. I was so
overcome with anger and sadness that from that day until the day of the funeral
I didn't speak a word to anyone. I just didn't know what to say or how to think
anymore. I could barely keep myself together when I walked into the funeral
home. Right away I walked up to the casket and looked at his cold face and that
is when it truly hit me that he was dead. I couldn't hold back the way I had
wanted to. I began to cry and I fell to my knees. It didn't even look like him.
I felt his mother wrap her arms around me and tell me "Niki, it's going to be
okay." But I knew it wasn't. I then heard another familiar voice from
behind me saying, "I bet you never thought you would see his hair that color,
huh?" Talking about how red his hair was. I turned around and faced Jesse. He
tried to smile at me and that is when i knew that it would be okay. I grabbed
him and we stood hugging for a long time. He began to cry and he kept talking
about how the blood had staind his hair and they couldn't fix it. Why couldn't
they just fix it? As people came and left I just wanted to stay with Jesse.
So I stayed for hours. We just sat on a couch, not saying a word. Just to know
that we were there for one another made everything as good as it could've been
at that time. I started to think about the fact that I never got to show
Lee how much I really did LOVE him. Then I just broke down. I couldn't stop
crying. How could he have just gone away and never have known that I loved him?
Jesse hand me some tissues and then he got up. He reached into his pocket and
pulled out a folded piece of paper and said, "Go home and get some rest. I will
see you tomorrow." I looked at him with a curious expression as to referring to
the piece of paper. He hugged me and said, "when you read this you will know it
was for you." I went home and I crawled right into bed. I turned on the
lamp and unfolded the piece of paper. It read: WHEN TOMORROW STARTS WITHOUT ME When tomorrow starts without me and I'm not there to see If the sun
should rise and find your eyes all filled with tears for me I wish so much
you wouldn't cry the way you did today While thinking of the many things
you didn't get to say I know how much you loved me, as much as I loved
you And each time you'll think of me, I'll know you miss me too But
when tomorrow starts without me, please try to understand That an angel
came and called my name and took me by the hand And said my place was ready
in heaven far above And i'd have to leave behind all those i dearly
love But as i turned to walk away a tear fell from my eye For all of
life I'd always thought I didn't want to die I had so much to live for and
so much yet to do it seemed almost impossible that i was leaving you I
thought of all the yesterdays, the good ones and the bad I thought of all
the love we shred and all the fun we had If i could relive yesterday, i
thought just for a while I'd say good-bye and hug you, and maybe see you
smile But then I fully realized that this could never be For emptiness
and memories would take the place of me And when I thought of worldly
things that I'd miss come tomorrow I thought of you and when I did my heart
was filled with sorrow But when I walked through heaven's gate i felt so
much at home when God looked down and smiled at me from his great golden
throne He said, "this is eternity and all i've promised you today life
is not on what is past but where it starts anew i promise no tomorrow but
today will always last and since each day's the same day there's no longing
for the past but you have been so faithful, so loving and so
true though there were times you did some things you knew you shouldn't
do But you have been forgiven and now at last you're free so won't you
take my hand and share your life with me?" So when tomorrow starts without
me don't think we're far apart For every time you think of me... I'm
right here in your heart. I know that i could never feel the pain that
Jesse felt when he lost his brother and thinking back I feel like i was being
selfish for showing how much i hurt when he was hurting so much worse. I learned
something about Jesse that day. He is exactly like his brother. Although it was
his time of mourning he put it aside to make me feel better, and i will never
forget that. Every time I see Jesse I see a little bit more of Lee in everything
he does. And it heals my heart. The saddest thing about my story is that
the moral is true. People often don't realize that they have love until it is
gone or they just don't let someone they love know it until it is too late. Then
they wake up one day and say, "I love them." But, by then, they are already out
of your life. I just hope that everyone's chance doesn't end the way mine did.
Tell them how you feel or someday they will be gone, not just out of YOUR life,
but for good. And they will never know you loved them.
-nice story huh?-mwah!
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