random thoughts.

Ang dami ko naman what ifs sa utak ko tonight. 🥺 Hay. Bakit kaya ganito?  Dami ko na nga ginagawa para malibang but at the end of the day, eto pa din. Tulog na lang ako.  🥺

12:03 am 112320

And another painful night. Its me again sharing how hurt I am for all of whats happening in my life now. I know that I need to look at the brighter side but sometimes all you need is to cry. 

So this is me after crying for almost 2 hours. 

I look so wasted huh? Siguro akala nung iba, ang OA ko for crying and for always feeling alone pero andyan naman mga anak ko whos always makin me happy and makin me stronger. Pero sometimes, malulungkot ka nalang talaga. Darating yung time na bigla ka nalang magbbreak down. Itatanong mo kung bakit kaya ganun? Bakit ganito? Hanggang kailan ganito? Kaya ko pa ba? May magbabago ba? Pero theres still so much to thank for. Mas madami pa din taong nahihirapan sakin. I still need to be thankful for my health, for my kids and for my family. 

Ever wonder why I always feel empty?  Siguro kasi there are things that I want that can never be mine. Siguro kasi may mga gusto ko gawin pero di ko magawa. Siguro kasi madaming akong need itama na mali. Siguro kasi i need to be stronger pa. Ang dami kong siguro. 

fYI. I Dont have depression. Sadyang iyakin lang ako. I cry whenever I think of something sad about my life. Whenever I think of someone I miss. I Cry easily listening to songs I can relate my life with. Iyakin talaga ko eversince. So this isnt new to me. 

Sorry blog if always sad nalang nakekeep ko sayo. Ill make sure to publish my happy days too. Its just that whenever I wanted to speak to someone and since I have no one and theres a lot in mind that I wanted to type, I share it with you. Xx

Anyway, its 12:16. My eyes are still maga as it is. I am not crying anymore. But guess I wont be sleeping yet. Gonna browse and watch some happy movies baka sakaling sumaya ako. We'll see. ,💞

Always,

Jhaaaaymieeeeee

what a dream

Woke up early today. Mga 4am ata or 4:30. Hay grabe nagising ako ng halos mangiyak ngiyak. Grabe yung panaginip ko. 😩 As in pinakita sakin yung reality. Sobrang sakit. Dalawa yung panaginip ko and parehas masakit. Umiiyak talaga ko sa panaginip ko. 😭 Ill tell the whole story later on. Di pa ko makahinga ng maayos sa nararamdaman ko ngayon. Brb 😩😩

kinda.

This statement is kinda true. Xx 

Sometimes we can afford to stay even if it hurts but it makes us happy at the same time.. 

So yeah i am in Love. 💞

No words can explain.

Definitely no words can explain how I feel lately. I've been out of words & I dont know what to do anymore. Its almost the end of the year & sobrang bobo ko pa din sa mga bagay. Idk how to fix myself anymore. I am in soooo sooo much pain 😔😭 and the hardest part is no one knows. Cant share how i feel to anyone so id rather keep it myself. Its hard when you cant show people what you really feel and you pretend that you are happy. They're not seeing your tears. They will never understand. Minsan pag naiisip ko umiiyak nalang ako. Kasi minsan nababawasan yung pain kapag umiiyak ako. And i dont know hanggang kailan ganito. Gusto ko lang naman umiyak habang may kayakap. May nakakaintindi kung ano ba talaga nararamdaman ko. Kaso wala. I am so empty.

Sometimes I am thinking what if maglaho nalang ako? Will it help me? Will it help me forget? Matatauhan na ba ko? Maybe.. just maybeeeeee..

Right now my goal is to go far away where I can cry and be wasted. Like ive been hurt a lot of times before but this one is different. 😭 What I am feeling is just so real & sobrang katangahan. 

I nvr regret feeling this way kahit masakit ksi i ddnt expect that ill feel this way again. 

Everyday mas lalong masakit. 

Everyday i always wish na sana umulan. Para may kasabay naman ako umiyak and mafeel ko na di ako nagiisa.  x_x

12:23am

Yaaa today is sunday and I kinda slept all day. 😩 I just woke up actually. So gp slept over saturday night & we kinda talk abt what happened between her and marco and other stuffs. We watched movies & tiktoks lol. she's my friend for like 5years i guess. 

So yeah. Sinundo ko siya and pinagdrive grabe super traffic ng zabarte that time. Nagwithdraw sa napakalayo and bumili ng food. We had fun though super puyat talaga ko. They're planning to have staycation next week again. But idk if ill join. Not in the mood tho. 

Anyways, am trying to divert my attention tho para makaiwas magisip and malungkot. Kaso pag alone nalang ako at the ene of the day, its still the same. Hay. Sobrang bad ko na ata guess i dont deserve to be happy😩 this is my consequence. Nakaka sad lang talagaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! 

Well new fiber got installed today. Idk my plans. I wanna go back to work and be busy. Maybe. Bahala na. 😔

paubaya

reality.

#mood

hello blog.

It's 2:05am. Super antok na ako but i have so much in mind and I can't sleep pa din. Bangag na bangag na nga ako. I even ate veggies na like 10mins ago pero eto gising pa din ako. Been listening to fuckin lonely songs for the past hours.

1. Itutulog na lang- the juans

2. Cant get out- jem

3. Tomorrow- avril lavigne

4. Hindi tayo pwede- acousticccccc

This has been on top of my playlist lol since morning.x

I don't know why but i just loved the lyrics. Makes me wanna do a cover. Lol kala mo talaga magaling kumanta. Haha anyway. Ang sarap lang ikanta ng lahat ng nararamdaman ko ngayon. I actually wanted to compose a song.  Just like the old times. Maybe one of these days i would. For now, ill just keep all the lyric in my head. I dont wanna cry while writing the song tho. Bwahaha. 

Pero kanina, while cooking lunch. I suddenly thnk abt it and i really cried. I even went to the toilet room ksi i burst out crying. Asking myself, why? Why do i need to feel this way over and over and over again? Why is it so hard to be completely happy? Haha i mean there's no perfect life diba. Kaso bakit parang lahat nalang ng tao ayaw sakin? Am i that bad enough for everyone not to see my worth? Sobrang self pity ko na ba? I deserve to be loved as well diba? Just go with the flow. That's my quote. But going with the flow is kinda hard when you're doing it alone. When you're the only one who has this feeling. At walang taong kaya magbalik sayo ng pagmamahal na hinahanap mo kasi hindi pwede and wala naman talaga. 

Sobrang OA ko na ba? I keep asking myself that. Why am I even crying? Ang alam ko lang is sobra lang talagang mahal ko kaya nasasaktan ako na ganun nalang talaga. Normal naman. Di naman ako sguro OA Or what. Normal naman siguro masaktan diba? 

Anyway, im about to go to bed na. Goodmornight & thanks for listening to my emote emote thingy again blog. You're all I have :) i have no one to share what i feel anyway. So sayo nalang lahat ibubuhos mga gusto ko sabihin. Nytieeeee. Xx

just wanna say goodnight.x

I cant sleep. Still nothing. I still feel empty. Good night. 😪

rainy morning.

Just woke up. & Am still in bed. Sarap sleep. La lungs. Just felt a little sad when i woke up. I just realized its tuesday & still nothing. Anyway, ako nalang nakakaalam nun lol. Hay ano baaaaa. I just wanted to end this. I wanted this to stop. Hindi na talaga tama. At sobrang sakit na. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! fuck life! Fuck the rules! My heart hurts so good. 

bianca's 18th

So yesterday was biancas debut. It was so exhausting knwing that i helped them decorating and all again. But at the end of the day seeing her so happy with her 18 blue bills and my doggy gift so worth it. 

Hahahaha. So cuteeeeeeee. And here's me rest rest lang sa bedroom. Was so tired and bored cz i cant drink and sila happy happy shot shot. Haha sana all. How i wish. 😒 

looks so haggard and ugly hahahaha. Anyway. Thats all there is. 😩

am I too much?

I just realizee that i am being too attached. Super duper OA na yata and nakakairita na ata ako. Tagal na issue nito. So pano ba. Ano ba talaga gagawin ko? Its just so sad when you wanted to show how you feel to someone but you just cant because YOU CANT. I dont want someone to feel irritated because of me messaging all the time. But thats whats happening now.x hay, minsan naisip ko, deserve ko ba talaga ba ganito? Di na ba ako talaga maappreciate ng mga tao. I dont know. I wanna go somewhere far alone 😩 and just stop thinking about it & move on. Hayy.

i miss you tito adam🌟

Last night was just so sad. All of a sudden i just started thinking about you and saw the messages you sent me right before you died. Tears fell through my eyes and i sent you a message tho i knw you wont be able to read it. I said i miss you. Was shocked to see that I sent it at exactly 12am. 2months after you died. Di ko pa din kaya tito. Naiiyak pa din ako. Nalulungkot. Natatakot. Di ko pa din kaya basahin lahat ng messages mo sa inbox ko. Kasi super nasasaktan pa din ako knowing na wala na ako nasasabihan ng mga nangyayari sa buhay ko. 😭 I dont wanna continue na. Naiiyak na naman ako. 😞

it's been quite a while.

A lot had happened lately but im gonna share it some other time. For now ill go sleep. (+_+) Haha toodles!

can't get out. x

I've been trying to forget you, but I can't
You made a fool it ain't cool
It's like there's something missing in my life
Maybe it's you
It is you

I just can't, can't get you out of head
You're the reason that I wakeup in my bed

I got you stuck in my mind
Can't get out
Can't get out
Please get out

I got you stuck in my mind
Can't get out
Can't get out
Please get out

I didn't expect you to like me back
I'm a mess, I'm a fool don't know how to act
With you
When I'm with you

I'm sorry if it took so long
To realize that we belong
You and I, it ain't a lie?

I just can't, can't get you out of head
You're the reason now wakeup in my bed

I got you stuck in my mind
Can't get out
Can't get out
Please get out

I got you stuck in my mind
Can't get out
Please get out
Please get out..

Feeling kinda sad today and this songs stucked in my mind since i woke up. Hay missing someone so much but i gotta tiis. 😦

friday night.

Just saw this so I'd like to remind myself though. ♡

Sleepless evening  😥😥

sick.

Goodmorning blog.

I've been struggling with acid reflux for 3 days now. 

Sobraaaang hirap. I can't even eat. Sobrang hirap pala talaga tong sakit na to. May mga times na magkaka anxiety ka kapag naghheartburn ka na and all. Sobrang laking tulong ng pagread ko ng articles abt it. Sobrang helpful din ng videos and all so I get to handle it kahit pano. So kapag alam ko na aatakehin na ko, i am staying calm and all. Hiraaap my gosh! Parusa ko talaga to sa mga kinain ko these past few weeks eh! Huhu. Ngayon wala tuloy ako makain. Ayaw tanggapin ng sikmura ko. I need to be healthy na talaga. I need to avoid eating preservatives and bad cholesterol.. not getting any younger tho. Need to watch over my health. Hehe. Xx

Anyways,  since i just woke up & i felt my heartburn attacking, I drank gaviscon syrup agad & tbh it helps a lot. Nawawala yung palpitate feeling so I guess i'll go back to sleep na. Then later i'll drink omeprazole. Hays hindi talaga ako palainom ng gamot eh pero this time I badly needed it kaya I have to drink it all. I just hope that this is just really acid reflux. Gonna do my exercise again as I badly needed to lose weight to avoid this reflux and I really dont wanna feel this again!!  Sobrang hiraaaaaap!

so this is gaviscon syrup. It's like a colgate lol

Gonna go back to bed ♡ byeeeeee.x 

just a thread.

I just saw this & i'd like to share cz this is just so true. 💞

THIS IS WORTH READING ♡

heartburn.

Woke up this morning and my acid reflux is attacking me again. Cant breathe properly & sobrang hirap sa pakiramdam. 😔 maybe because I ate something sour before sleeping last night.x 😣 hate this feeling. So hard to breathe. So hard lumunok. Nagpapalpitate and all. 😔 hatest feeling ever!! 😭😭😭😭 

What a morning!! 

bad at it.

It's just sad when someone actually lets you feel like you're just no one & it's okay for you to feel bad about it, cause you're just YOU. Not important. Nothing special. No one. 

Its 4am. Random thoughts. Hearts pounding and aching. Hays. I just wanna feel loved..xx  i wanna be someones important person. 

Maybe am just sad that's why i am feeling this again. 

Nyt. Gonna sleep with tears in my eyes. It's okay to cry. 😔

what's on my mind?

Nothing. Just wanna be happy everyday. But why is it getting so lonely? I don't even know. Weird. Forget the things thats making you sad, Jhaymie.♡ 

Nytieeee.x my eyes still itchy. Stupid allergies. Ugh!

Hi Blog :-)

It's been a while again. Everything is goin well lately. :) A lot had happened. We've been in lockdown for almost 3months now because of corona virus. I just hope it will end soon. No classes this year. So it's time for me to focus para mas matuto pa magbasa si zoey. Baka eto na change for us to bond while i'm teaching her at home.x :) Anyway, was just here sa office printing modules. Orders. lol

Anyhow, i'm reading my blog & can't believe how broken I am for the past months. lol. Well I guess I am already coping up & accepting everything that's not meant you know. Everything is goin well right now. Life is just so great. I am receiving blessings. God never fail to show me that we're all so blessed. What makes me sad right now is tito adam's condition. He's really not well right now. :( Ilang araw na nya kami inaabangan to visit him sa makati kaso it's really hard right now because of this pandemic. Idk what to do. he really wants to see us :-(  He's always saying na he's sad and he wanted to see us para sumaya naman sya.

hay lord, bigyan nyo pa po ng chance mabuhay tito adam ko :'( gustong gusto nya pa mabuhay.

ignored.

Should we really need to ignore each other just to end this one up? I can't sleep again.x it is so painful. :'( are you still my bestfriend? I miss you!!

Sinaktan ko na naman sarili ko. Viniew ko fb nya. Nakita ko na naman cover photo nya. Grabe. Bat kaya ganito? Sobrang legit ng pain na nararamdaman ko. Naiiyak na naman ako. :(( matutulog na naman akong malungkot. Gigising ng malungkot. Araw araw nalang malungkot. Sobrang malas ko. Bakit kasi hndi pwde? Bakit bawal? Huhu. Sleep na nga ko :((( 

distance.

Goodmorning blog. It's 5:41am. I aint sleeping yet. Yep ive been awake all night.. im a bit sad you know. Ive been doin my part to distance with him but why do I feel like our closure also comes to an end?:'( i don't want that to happen.x but it's happening na. Nalulungkot talaga ko. Di kami naguusap na talaga. Kasabay naman nun is parang wala na yung closure. Hay. Kailangan ko na ba masanay sa ganito? Its so hard to approach him. Ksi most of the time siniseenzone nya nalang ako after a couple of replies. Yesterday he left me hanging inviting me mag 1v1 then nagquit and then may naginvite na daw ng iba while ako waiting na maglaro kami. Alam mo yun. I know i am not important but why would you do that? :( alam mo naman kung gano ko kaexcited maglaro ulit with you then may naginvite lang sayo na iba nakalimutan mo na may inaya ka pala maglaro. Hays. Nafeel ko talaga na wala lang ako sayo nung time na yun. Di mo manlang naisip na nagaantay ako. Anyway masyado na ko nagooverthink. I just dont wanna talk abt it. Baka sobrang childish na naman. Baka ako lang naman nabobother. Pero i am missing you so much. Ayko tlg may magbago sa friendship but it is definitely changing now. :-( at ang masakit dun e parang okay lang sayo. Or baka sinasadya mo ksi alam mong may feelings ako. Hay nakakaiyak na naman. Pero stay strong self!!!! You got this!! You will be okay!! Pain will be over soon!! :'( you just miss him a lot. 😭😭😭  anyway, sleep na ko. May lakad pa ko later.  Still on lockdown.x hays!

8 minutes before 12am.x

Why am i feelin sad all of a sudden. Okay naman na ako at natitiis ko na mga bagay bagay. How come I felt sad right now bigla. Parang naiiyak ako. Naaalala ko na naman yung feelings ko sa kanya. Totoo pala talaga na makakalimot ka kapag busy ka pero at the end of the day kapag nakahiga ka na. Maiisip mo na naman lahat and makakalimutan mong kalimutan sya. Hay nakoo. Hanggang kailan ba tooo.. 😖🙈 hanggang kailan ko to mararamdaman? :[ i wanna cry.x yung heartbeat ko gusto na umiyaK. hahahahaha. Fuck!

Sana matapos na to. Sana galingan ko pa para mawala na. Kasi sobrang sakit na. HAHAHAHAHA! iyak ko na nga lang to hanggang makatulog na ko. GOODNIGHT! ♡

if only you knew. 🙈

It might seem like i'm okay cz we dont talk anymore like we used to do. But i am not okay. Sleeping early is my way of not thinkng abt you at night.x ksi staying up late and not being able to talk to you makes me so lonely. HAHA sympre wala kang alam. Kasi i dont tell you my feelings anymore. I just needed to keep it on my own. I'd rather keep it on my own. ☹ pero one thing is for sure, i am missing you so much. I know you dont feel the same so bye blog.x useless blog again today. So sorry. 🤣 sigh!

how to save my heart?

So here's how i guess.x 🙈🙈

1. should:

 • never expect

 • never demand

 • never assume

2. know:

 • your limits

 • where you stand

 • your role

3. don't:

 • get affected

 • get jealous

 • get paranoid

4. just: 

 • go with the flow and be happy

 • stay positive

GAME! 😪

somehow.

Its been days that we dont talk that much. Getting used to it but i somehow miss talking to you all the time. Pero ayos na ko nakakausap ka before i sleep. Siguro eto na nga yung dapat. 😔 sad pero that's how it supposed to be. Happy naman kami. Reality check ☺ its not that bad. Happy memories ♡

unloving.x

Just some random thought right now that i wanna share.

Narealize ko lang na mas okay pala i-unlove nalang yung taong di ka naman mahal ksi may love na iba. And focus to other people in your life na makakapagpasaya sayo.x not that i wanna forget this person. Special sya sakin so ill be always here. But i needed to unlove this person para normal nalang. Wlang expectations. Walang disappointments. May pain but i'll get over it. 

You can do it, Jhaymie!☺

sweet morning ♡

Hello blog.x so as you can see i havent posted anything since april 7. And its because were good again. Good like were talking again. I just dont want my blog na puro sadness nalang. I am happy now so i am blogging. 😊 so im abt to sleep actually but its so hard to sleep now.x idk. Woke up at 4am eh. 3hrs sleep lang so i needed to rest pa din talaga. 😣 so uhmm. Yeaah. I am happy with whats happening now. my heart is full. I just hope this will continue.x  ♡ byerszzz blog. I will sleep munaaa 🙈

random thoughts, random dates and time.x

2days no communication at all with you. I've been crying all day😭😭 tinitiis ko.x kasi if this is what you want i gotta ease the pain 😭😭 

Time check- 3:54am/  aprril 5, 2020.  😔 i cant sleep.x 

Ive been sleepless for almost 4days now. 😓 kaya ko to!!! Matatapos din to😔

April5/5:43pm - hey. I miss you! Seeing all of your messages sa gc makes me wanna talk to you but tinitiis ko not to kasi hndi mo din naman ata ako namimiss kausap :( ang hiraaaap. I miss you so much 😭😭

April6/1:53am - hey i miss you😭 sleeping kana sguro.x goodnight. -,-

April6/4:05am - i rmembrr seeing you in my dream again. Ganito ata talaga pag sobrang miss mo isang tao.x  3rd day na. No talking and all. Im crying again😭

April6/7:18am - cant sleep.x gusto na kita imsg pero dko magawa. Immsg mo kaya ako? Asa pa ko. Hays. 😔

7:40am- still awake.x guess ill be sleeping without talking to you again. Its been 3 days but felt like weeks already😭 hays this is just really sad. :[[ the saddest part is im the only one suffering😭 and you dont even know. Well its much btter that you dont know ;( i dont want you to feel bad. I'll tiis everything. :( 

8:49am - stilll awake. Still missing you :[

April7/4:59am - yey. Cant believe you messaged me and you started the conversation. I just cant help but smile :) i will sleep happy nowwwww. ☺ it was nice talkin to you after 4days.x ♡ 

sleeplessssss 😭

I wonder if that’s just how it feels to miss someone so bad – like being stabbed in the gut a little bit, each time you think of them. Arrrgh! I CANT SLEEP!!! Please get out of my head 😭

Update: it's 10am already and im still awake. Bwahaha. Ang hirap naman magisaaaaaaaa. Di maiwasan magisip. Lahat na ginawa ko pra di ko sya maisip pero ganun padin ending. Wtf! 

morning blues ♡

Goodmorning blog.x so im awake again and cz I cant go back to sleep I edited my blog theme and layout after so many years. Took me almost 2 and a half hour by editing css and html codes. HAHA how i miss facebook days. Well im not yet done tho but i got tired so yan na muna sya. Lol much better if web version. Pangit tignan ng theme pag sa phone lang. Hehe. Wala lang. Naglilibang lang ako.x i can't still get him out of my head. I don't wanna go sleep ksi I am always seeing him in my dreams. Like seriously, it's been twice in a row 😔😭 its a bit nice tho cz in my dreams were together and were talkin and laughing. However pagising ko naman makes me miss him more bcause of that.x we havent talk since yesterday. He did not reply to me last last night so ayko na mairita sya or what if i still msg him. He obviously doesnt want to talk to me. Ksi he seenzoned me a couple of times. 😔😔 and very masakit talaga yun for me. :( anyway. Sorry blog. Sya lagi laman ng isip ko lately. Kaya sya din lagi laman ng kwento ko sa blog ko. I just dont wanna forget this feeling. Reading blogs abt him in the future and knowing that i felt this again after a long time.x sana he's missing me too.  :(

Hayys ill go back to bed and sleep.x goodluck sa panaginip ko.x 😌 

5'o clock in the morning.x

Goodmorning blog. It's morning again.x and im still awake. Fell asleep last night around 7-11pm so its so hard to go back to sleep.zz 2nd day of my period and im feeling a bit moody idk. Not like that usually but maybe the reason why im too emotional last week cz of PMS. Well im trying to accept the changes. We don't talk that much anymore. I can feel like maybe he's doing the distance thing. Its kinda sad to be honest. But i am already accepting it each and everyday whenever i open my eyes im always saying na its just not the way it is and things will never be the same anymore.x 

Im still glad were bestfriends. I gotta be just a friend. Nothing  more. Nothing else. Its better to be bestfriends rather than not talking to each other at all.x so that's what i will be doing.  Enough with the dramas. It hurts so bad but i need to stand up and just be strong.x i'll be okay. This is so not new to me. Ive been hurt a couple of times. And nakayanan ko. So this time kakayanin ko.  Ulit. For myself. Hayyy. Sana pwede. Kasi hindi talaga pwede. Kung may pagkakataon lang. But sadly wala. Hayyy. Nakakaiyak. Iyak lang. Wala naman bad sa pag iyak. Kapag nakakaramdam ng pain, iyak lang :( ganun nalang gagawin ko. I know fed up na sya sa mga drama kong paulit ulit na dapat matagal ko naman na naintindihan. Anyway. I guess ill be sleeping. Its almost 6am. Just so you know he seenzoned me for like 5times today.x it hurts but i know why he's doing this. I am not his priority. Sino ba ko? May purpose why hes doing this. For me not masanay anymore. Alam ko. I know him. Kaya tanggap ko. Even if it hurts. Its fine. :'( 

Anyway, yep i will sleep now. Looking forward to no more pain on the next coming days.x

I JUST SAW THIS PICTURE somewhere & it pains me a lot reading this  :[[

Breathe.. i'll be okay.x

cry harder!

Halaaaa grabe yung pain na nararamdaman ko as of the moment. Naiiyak na ko 😭😭😭 sobrang sakit. Alam ko na masasaktan ako pero di ko alam  na ganito kasakit!!! Di ako makaiyak. Kaya lalong mas mahirap. Kailangan ko itago yung pain. Sobrang sakit. Oh my gosh. I just wanna get drunk and sleep. Ayoko na. Sobrang sakit ng nararamdaman ko. 😭😭😭😭 idk what to do anymore😭😭😭  i just wanna cry!!!!!

Pain pain go away!!

Woke up today with such pain in my heart. Maybe because this is the last day i get to speak with someone so special to me. Decided not to talk to this person anymore because its the best thing to do. Sigh! This pain in my heart is sooo legit. Hahaha. Iniisip ko nalang it will pass & i gotta move on. Let go and move on, jhaymie. Easy to say but so fuckin hard to do. Oh come on. This is just really sad. I DONT KNOW HOW LONG IT WILL TAKE FOR ME TO BE OKAY but I hope its sooner. Because this pain is killing me softly 😭😭 huehue. It hurts so bad. 

one afternoon.

I don't know  i just wanna do some blogging whilst watching movie. I miss talking with my bestfriend. We haven't talk to each other for almost 48hrs now. I am getting so sad. :( i am missing this person so much.x 

Tryna do other things to forget things that hurt the most but its so fuckin hard. :[

Anyway, i just need to go with the flow and live life. Maybe its just really what it should be. 

Not so happy afternoon btw. Can't stop thinking about.. 

lockdown

Yep were still on lockdown because of corona virus. We're on lockdown til april 14th. Dnt know yet if the president will extend it.  Anyway, i just wanna do some blogging tonight. Since I can't sleep and everytime I do the blogging is whenever I don't have someone to talk to diba.

What am I feeling right now?

Honestly? I am kinda sad. Still sad coz i feel like i am no special person to anyone. Still the same reason though. I just wanna feel loved. Why am I always the second best? When will I be the only one? For whoever is ready may be confused but it's just really hard to explain my feelings right now. Arggg. Nakakamiss na pag nagtampo ka, may umaamo sayo kasi ayaw ka nyang mawala and ayaw ka nya makitang malungkot. 

Argg ayoko na tuloy tong blog na to. Mattulog nalang akoooooo. Goodnight!☺ 

Speechless

I am totally hurt right now. I knew from the very beginning that  this will happen. Eventually someone will get tired and will not be happy and satisfied anymore since YOU are not his priority because there's no US in the story. You were just someone who came along the way but will not be there cz he dont need you at all. 

Sad ending. But this is just surreal. MY HEART IS FUCKING BROKEN! I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN. 

But i gotta be strong & just move on. 

I am expecting this. I should'nt be sad.

This is my consequence. This is my karma. 

I ws left all Alone. Maybe you're all fed up with my dramas. 

Fuck life. 

my life is a mess!

I give up. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Ayoko na talaga Lord. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

I am so tired living this life!!!😭😭

Lord please give me strength for my kids.😭😭😭

I am so depressed! 

I dont know what to do anymore😭😭

Im tired with my life😭😭😭😭😭😭

falling.

 pano nga kasi maging strong? I'm trying to be pero why is it so hard? Hahahaha. Ang hirap labanan ng feelings. Kinukurot yung puso ko everytime na naiisip ko na ganito situation. Bakit ba laging ganito? Ano ba! Sinasaktan  ko lang sarili ko. Stop being so emotional nga jhaymieeee. Kaso tao lang. Talagang nasasaktan ako eh. Hays. Ang hirap itago yung part na super nahuhurt ako tapos mali naman na nasasaktan ako. Napaka gaga ko talagaaaaa! Aaaaaaaaahhhh!!! I wanna scream!!!!! I wannaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa cry. I wannnaaaaaaa get busy and forget everything! But seriously, it pains me a lot. And i don't want this to happen. 😔 ang hirap pigilan. Pero kaya ko to! I believe na lilipas din to. Matatapos din to. Pagdadaanan ko lang to then i'll be okay. Tatawanan ko lang to someday. Kaya i will fight and I will definitely hide all the pain hanggang kaya ko. No one will know. Kaya ko to mag isa. Ako pa ba. Been through a lot, and Ive been so independent since lola died.

LOLA,

 I miss you so much la. I wish you were here 😭 siguro everything would be so perfect if you were still here with me. Siguro di ako malungkot kasi andyan ka para ispoil ako sa lahat ng bagay. Andyan ka para tulungan ako magdecide about my kids and you were very supportive sa lahat ng decisions ko and di mo ako pinapabayaan. Di mo ako matiis. Sana andito ka pa la. Miss na miss na miss na kita. Sana naabutan mo dalawang kids ko siguro sobrang happy mo. Alam mo la, minsan feeling ko di ko na kaya mag isa. Pero naiisip ko nalang lumaban sa lahat ng bagay kasi di mo naman ako pinalaking duwag diba. Miss ko na happy family. Sunday get together. Closure namin magpipinsan, outings, swimmings , bondings. Miss ko na lahat. Simula ng nawala ka la feeling ko mag isa nalang ako. Huhu nakakaiyak. Miss na miss kita. Ang tagal na since nawala ka. Mag 8 yrs na pero sobrang sakit pa din. Sana makausap kita kahit sa panaginip lang kasi super need ko ng yakap mo. Katulad ng yakap mo sa huling panaginip ko sayo. Sana yakapin mo ulit ako kasi feeling ko napaka epic fail na ng buhay ko. Wala na kasi nagmamahal sakin ng katulad ng love na binigay mo sakin lola 😭 yung special ako sa lahat ng bagay. Yung di ko mararamdaman na mag isa ako. Hays iyak tuloy ako ng iyak ngayon la. Pero ayos lang naman umiyak diba. It's gonna be fine. Cry now and laugh later. Miss lang kita kaya ako umiiyak. Love you laaaaaaaaaaa. Tama na nga. Baka masobrahan ako kakaiyak. Para kong baliw. Mwah mwah! 

Anyway, today's an ordinary day. I was just in bed. Pero seryoso i wanna go out and have fun and just chill. Di ako nag gym. Gusto ko sa maingay na lugar pra makasigaw ako ng malakas then nobody cares. 

One day, i'll be fine. No more worries. No more heartaches. 

Ciao. 

ohayo.

Slept early and woke up aftr 3hrs so now its 5am in the morning and im wide awake. Went to bayan para mamalengke with zoey who's also awake. Then frying some chicken to papak dahil di ko kaya ng eggs lang since d ako nagdinner. Haha anyway. Lots of things happened lately, some were sad. I mean most of it. So i am planning to move forward and i really want my attention na mapunta muna sa iba cz i really dont wanna be sad anymore. Naisip ko sobrang sayang ng life when im always sad. Naisip ko kasi parang ang tagal ko ng malungkot. Years na ba? Someone told me to be strong and just live life and not to get too emotional sa mga bagay bagay. Well i guess it's so damn true. I should be happy. I have my kids na nagpapasaya sakin so why be sad? I need to correct all my mistakes and plan my life now. I am already 29 and it really feels like i'm getting old. Oh my gosssh!! But still young at heart though. Lol  dami ko gusto gawin. I wanna travel kahit outside manila. Kung pwde lang mag isa ginawa ko na. Kaso takot pala ako mag isa. Haha. So ayun antay nalang ng pwedeng makasama siguro someday soon. Haha but that's just one of my plans. Pero gustong gusto ko na muna talaga mag work. As in!!!! Yan ang number 1 sa list ko. Para may pagkabusyhan ako and di maisip masyado mga bagay bagay. I wanna meet new friends. New environment. New me. Lol jk i won't change ofcourse. Hahaha pero push padin pagpapapayat ko memsh! Lavarn jhaymieeeeee. Kaya mo yan. Dapat bago mag december sexy ka na. HAHAHAHA!

ANYWAY, LUTO NA CHICKEN. KAIN NA KO. mornight blog.x thanks for bein there when i need to share what's on my mind. 😊

HERE'S MY FRIED CHICKEN. HAHAHAHAHHAA AND THAT'S ME BELOW. 

 

Broken Sonnet

Hello blog.x i just have no one to speak with. I am so sad. Bat ganto. Ang hirap naman maging masaya. What am I supposed to do? Bakit ko ba pinagsisiksikan sarili ko sa isang bagay na alam ko na hindi naman kahit kailan magiging akin? Grabeeeeeeeee nakakalungkot na!! Family problems, isa pa yan. May issue na naman sa family. Im tired. I wanna go sa mountain and cry fuckin out loud that no one can hear. I wanna scream all my feelings and emotions there. Am I really that bad? Sobrang sama ko na ba na tao. I deserve this! I am such a bad person :(( I don't know how to fix myself anymore.x I am so lost. I need to find myself. This isnt me. Wake up, jhaymieeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

:((((((((((((((((((

Runaway ♡

Runaway by the corrs 

My favorite song.x from my favorite band. I just saw a post in facebook na kinakanta ng guy. Lagi ko to kinakanta lalo na nug nagbabanda pa ako. I'll try to post below yung song ko na nasa youtube singing this song. Hehe. 

I am feeling sad lately. Kailan kaya ako mabubuo ulit? Ang hirap pala maging masaya. I am thanking God for all of the blessings ♡ I know magiging masaya din ako ulit. Baka hindi pa time. For now I guess I just really have to go with the flow kahit masakit. Kahit na madaming mali. I need to focus myself to all of the blessings that I am receiving and just continue living life. :( ang tagal ko na malungkot. Di ako sanay. Nagiging happy at times but pag mag isa nalang ako sad na naman. My life is full of emotions right now. Super random. But i'm all good. Kahit na nasasad ako. Okay lang naman ako. Normal naman ata maging malungkot and masaktan diba? Never ever expect for you not to be disappointed.x 

2020 isn't a good start. Dami happenings na hindi magaganda. Taal volcano eruption, kobe bryants death and a lot more.x I just hope that everything will be okay soon pleaseeeee. I just wanna be happy again! No more heartaches. No more pain please! No more!  I am claiming it! ♡ 

Best Friends ♡

I don't even know how to start this blog. Lol. This  blog is for someone that's very special to me. Ang hirap pala umpisahan yung blog kapag masyado ka madami sasabihin yet you can't even create a single phrase or maybe hindi mo maexplain talaga yung nararamdaman mo. Ganern. Haha! Anyway, I woke up early today since I slept early last night. Kaya eto almost 8am and i'm still awake. Dami nasa utak ko ngayon but I decided to create a blog about my Best Friend.x

So usually if you say that you have a best friend it is most likely you know this person for a long time na diba. However this best friend that I have, I just knwn him for like uhm..almost 2years. Xx he's been quite laman ng blog ko lately. Hehe. So yep he's a he. Madami ako close friends na lalaki but di pa ko nagkaron ng best friend talaga na i mean katawagan or talagang andyan para sakin kapag malungkot ako. But this guy, we've been speaking allllll the time specially when i'm sad. 

So it all started when we met on my friends birthday party. Well I don't usually consider knowing him by then because we didn't even talk or what. I mean we talked but no conversation at all.xx but he is so damn attractive lol. NOT saying I like him already but parang ganun na nga. Lol. Hahaha. One thing that makes me pansin him pa more is his fucking voice. Maaaaan im telling you he can sing! Lol rnb feels.x 

Okay moving forward, ended up that night not talkin to this guy but some of my gay friends teases me na i like him daw and when they asked him if nung tinease he just said "sorry taken na" like that ata. HAHAHHAHAHA! Napakawalangya lang ng mga kaibigan ko.x so parang nainsult lang ako ng very light cz i ddnt even asked him that pero inaasar ako nung iba kong friends. Lol so nakakahiya talaga. Ugg. I am still pissed whenever i remember that moment.

So as time goes by, after like a couple of days. This friend of mine, yung may birthday, created a group chat sa msngr. He added me there. And I was so shocked to see that they were all there. Including the guy with the rnb voice. Lol. So deadma. Hi hello to all. Bla bla bla. Not gonna mention the name of the gc cz this needs to be private Lol. 

So one morning, may nag wave sakin sa messenger. :o guess who? Bumilis lang naman heart beat ko pagkakita ko na sya yung nag wave. I don't even know what to reply that time as in shocked ako. So i just replied "yes?" HAHAHAHHA. he said na napindot lang. So dun nagumpisa na yung mga long conversations and kwentuhan namin all day.x which is nakakaenjoy naman talaga mga usapan namin. Kaya din sguro di nakakasawa makipagchat. 

So a lot more things happened that month, went to friends house and then I saw him there again. We drank a little, we stayed overnight, and some are just memories. No need to mention here. Lololol. 

Sometimes I am questioning myself why this guy? Like di talaga ko pala entertain and tamad talaga ako kumausap ng tao but why am I so happy when I am speaking to this person? 🙈 i always wonder. But who cares? It's fun. May mga time lang talaga na bawal magusap kasi we both have jowa. So little by little. You know. 

So last 2018, last time I saw him was august 21. Then after that we ddnt get the chance to talk for a long time since I am pregnant with zayn by that time. We're still in the gc but we no longer talk that much when we decided not to talk to each other na since nga he's feeling guilty ata cz he is spending more time chattingg with me kesa sa jowa nya. And ofcourse it hurts me a lot and I dont know why I am being hurt at all. HAHA. 

So for whoever is reading this, and if just incase you know me. Dont be so judgemental. I know what you're thinking. But let's just put it this way, yes, nagustuhan ko sya but alam ko naman na hindi pwede and alam nya din yun kaya nga he even blocked me para wala ng communication at all. Yung pagbblock na yan ilang beses yan nangyari. Hehe.

So ayun na nga, i gave birth to zayn after a couple of months. Got so busy taking good care of my baby. 

then after quite some time whilst im in rigels, drinking frappe, i saw him online and I just said hi to him and asked him where he is. He said he's at home lang. We haven't seen each other for a long time. He told me I could come over and I was surprised too. Went there for just short period of time and the rest was just memories. Lol

So yeah dont wanna share more of our story here let's just focus with how he became my best friend.

So with all the things that happened for those times and moments I realized that I will never forget this person. It's a mutual decision that we need to keep in touch as best friends kahit na magka family na din sya like me. And it will be that way forever. Kahit siguro di na kami magkita. Kahit na malayo na sya, it's gonna be a best friends forever thingy as what he said.  Which makes me happy too. And i hope it's true. Kasi we can never tell. Madami dn ako naging bestfriends kuno nung highschool but where are they now? Why is it that when Im lonely no one ws there for me? So ayun. I dont wanna be sad with this blog so I will just leave a message here for my bestfriend kasi he always read naman my blog hahaha.  He's updated. Lol

Hi bes,

 First, thank you cz you got to spend time reading my blog again. Super thank you for being there specially nung mga panahon na i felt lonely and sad lalo na sa mga nangyari samin ni Ja. You're always there to cheer me up. Andyan ka palagi para pasayahin ako. Di ko akalain na magkakaron ako ng friend na katulad mo. Poging bestfriend pa nga. HAHA. Alam ko na minsan demanding na ko sa time mo or minsan sumosobra na ko sa limit. Thanks for the patience. Sorry din. Tao lang. Haha. Mas matured ka lang talaga magisip sakin. Nagpromise ako sayo na dito lang ako always. Pag may problem kayo ng girlfriend mo, dito lang ako para icomfort ka. Katulad ng pag comfort mo sakin nung masakit din puso ko and in pain talaga ako. Haha. Sana wag ka makulitan sakin, a msgs ko. Yung usapan natin na babawasan ng onti yung paguusap susundin ko yun. Moving forward ikaw nalang aantayin ko magstart ng conversation. Mukang okay naman. Kaya naman. Haha. Di ko alam na sasabihin ko sayo, feeling ko eedit ko nalang to kapag may idadagdag pa ko. Nabblank isip ko kapag ikaw na kakausapin ko e. HAHA. BASTA SUPER THANK YOU! sa pagdating sa buhay ko. Forever kitang ittreasue at lahat ng memories natin together promise nasa heart and mind ko yan kahit tumanda na tayo parehas. Maalala ko yan. Looking forward pa din sa mga magagandang memories in the future. Gusto ko kapag ikakasal ka na, invited ako ha? Ahahaha. Salamat bes ha? Mahal kita bes! Mwah! Dito nalang muna. Masakit na fingers ko. HAHAHAHA 30mins na ata ako nagttype or more. 😂 

Huggssssss!!

Always,

Jhaymie. 

year of the sheep for 2020.

I just saw this. Hoping this will be true.x looking forward to it and I am claiming it in Jesus name ☺

Chinese Horoscopes 2020 » Sheep Horoscope 2020

Sheep horoscope 2020 predicts that you are bound to have your life changed a little this year. You are likely to be more spontaneous this year, but more secret about your affairs as well. You will want your life to be more private, which is just one of the many changes that you are bound to make this year. Working on your general personality, and trying to transform yourself into a better you, will make your year great in the Chinese year 2020 of the white metal rat.

The goat or sheep is one of the signs in the Chinese zodiac. While many people may not think of the goat as having many good personality traits, people who are born in the year of the sheep do. People that are born in the year of the goat are said to be intelligent, creative, anxious, stubborn, messy, and stylish. All of these traits can affect these people’s personalities, which can affect how they interact with their Chinese horoscope for 2020.

• Sheep 2020 Career Astrology •

Goat 2020 predictions foretell your career will flow smoothly this year as long as you get to know your superiors and co-workers better. These people will be the stepping stones that you need if you want to get ahead or advance in your career. If you can use your creative ideas at work in a productive way, then do it! Your special talents will help you to standout in the workplace. Progress in your career will be difficult and slow at times. But if you persevere, then you are sure to succeed.

• Sheep 2020 Finance •

When it comes to your finances, sheep will be in luck in 2020. You should have enough money to pay off all of your expenses easily. And, you may even have some money leftover to use for pleasure instead of bills and debts. Budget carefully and you will be sure to have enough money for the necessities and the fun things in life as well.

• Year Of The Sheep Predictions For Health •

Sheep, your health may be a little down this year, so you will want to try to reverse this. Beginning to exercise more, eat healthier foods, and reducing your stress levels are all great ways to do this. Try to get some of your bad habits as well to make yourself as healthy as possible in 2020.

• Sheep Monthly Horoscopes •

- January 2020 will start on a positive note. Your life will be full of prosperity, happiness, love, and joy.

- February 2020 will continue to work in your favor. You will be showered with good luck and financial blessings.

- March 2020 will be a month when challenges will be a part of your life. But the Chinese ram can take everything in its stride.

- April 2020 depends on your actions. If you save for the rainy day, everything will be in your favor. But if you want to spend without thinking, nothing can save you from going bankrupt.

- May 2020 is all about love, romance, and relationships. It is a good month for singles to get hitched. Married couples too will experience bliss.

- June 2020 is a favorable month for money to roll in from unexpected resources. Make the most of it.

- July 2020 is when you must be careful not to get influenced by people who don’t have your good interests in mind.

- August 2020 is an excellent month to socialize, make new friends. Who knows, you might even find a compatible partner?

- September 2020 is when you must be alert for new opportunities. It can be in your career as well as love relationships.

- October 2020 for the Chinese goat sign is encouraging when it comes to both personal and professional prospects.

- November 2020 is when you must take care of your health. Also, start saving for the rainy day.

- December 2020 is a happy month. Stability and hard work will play an important role in your current lives.

• Sheep 2020 Feng Shui Yearly Forecast & Horoscope •

2020 Feng Shui yearly forecast for the sheepsuggests a year of learning, planning, and contemplation.

This year of the rat 2020 is about changes. Sheep horoscope 2020 predicts that some changes will be slow, but some will come right away. This year is also a year with much more pleasure in it than business. While you should do your best to work hard while you are at work, you can also think creatively and make friends at your workplace as well. When you are off of work, try to spend time with your romantic partner, your friends, and your family. Most importantly, make sure that you have some time that you can spend alone and do the things that you want to do. If you do all of these things, then you are sure to have a wonderful 2020!