Goodmorning =)

So I woke up early today. and yesterday. I dnt know why pero lately 6am palang UP na ako. lololol. =) Hays, anyway wala lang. i just wanna do some blogging now cause I have nothing to do. Soundtrip lang whilst sitting here sa sala. lovelovelove

Anyway, i'll just edit my blogs theme which I normally do. Haven't edited it for a long time. 6yrs I guess. :)


So be right back. xoxo

it's 3 o clock in the morning.x

& i'm wide awake. Can't sleep cz zayn is sick. Mild fever. Hope he's gon be okay tomorrow na.. I just played ml but im lazy na cz i'm very tired na.😣😅 

I just downloaded the blogger app on my phone again so I can blog whenever i want. Lol. 

And btw christmas is coming!☺

I'm excited and at the same time not so whenever I think abt my birthday 🤦‍♀️ ughh. I'm really getting old. BUT YOUNG AT HEART. Lolz.  I will sleep now. TOODLES 💗

Leaving you all with this simple note below 🙈

Good job,self ☺😊

A special friend.

Hello blog, long time.

I haven't updated my blog for such a long time. Cz i've been very busy since I gave birth to zayn. My life is quite okay unlike before. My relationship with mom changed.x Thanks to our Lord God, he really is the best person to speak with when you're down and lonely. I am so amazed abt how he changed our lives this year. I just hope he won't give up on me. I know he has plans for me. I did something stupid this couple of weeks. I know that it isn't right but I'm happy about what's happening. Just goin with the flow.x I still feel that something is missing. I wanted to know what it is. Why do I always feel incomplete? I am not crazy tho. haha. Not even depressed. How I miss my lola. I wish she's here with me.I know she'll guide me along the way. I hope and looking forward to be a better mom for zoey and zayn. There are times I feel like I'm no good with this motherhood thingy. Maybe post partum is just attacking me lately. I miss my old self. A part of me is missing. why????????


I hope there's someone out there whom I can speak with and will make me happy if I'm sad. There's this one person who i'd like to talk to but we can't talk that much. I like speaking with him. Yes, he's a HE. A special person who i'd treasure for the rest of my life. Not gonna mention his name though but he's a very good friend. I guess God gave me "him" specially those times na I wanna give up na. he's the one who lifted me up. It was so funny cz he said that he felt like I'm obssessed with him so he blocked me before. Haha! well one thing he didn't know is that I like speaking with him all the time cause he really is making me happy. that's all though. Well I can say that this is the first time I got to chat with a guy all the timeeeeee. I am such a snob person. but with him, lol not at all.  Like super kulitttt ko talaga. and bwisit much na sya. HAHAHA! funny but crazy.
well kasi he has a girlfriend so ayun. haha! Well, we had our talk the other day and yeah I just realized that I am bein an asshole. I don't wanna ruin his life. So guess im gonna li-lo.

That's what I am doin now. I have to. :p I need to. ;)

Lol i have to go it's almost 3am. Kinda scared. x_x

Where is the love?

time check: 5:15am

Yes,I am still awake. And i'm crying out loud. Di ko na talaga alam. Paulit ulit nalang.
Nagpaalam si ja aattend ng party. Since anniversary ng fraternity nila yun and I don't want him to missed it kasi everyone will be there, pumayag ako.

He went out mga 6pm na. Then I fell asleep after cooking dinner ng mga 7pm cz my tummy aches and I wanted to rest. I  woke up around 9:30 kasi umiyak si zayn. Then I ate late dinner na. I am waiting for him to come home but i'm already expecting him na malalate ng uwi. I played moba,watched series but he's  still not home. mga around 12am I messaged my friend who's with him apparently she didn't reply. I waited til it's 2am. Kat did message me saying na tapos na inuman and they already told Ja to come home since i'm waiting pero ayaw pa daw umuwi,kasama pa iba nya ka brod.

I waited  til it's 4am. Wala pa din paramdam. Wala syang dalang phone so I messaged some of his friends na kasama nya daw paalis ng party. Sad to say no one replied. Alam mo yung feeling na nagaalala ka kasi hindi mo alam kung ano na nangyari.Hindi manlang magawa makichat sa iba para iupdate manlang ako kung ano na nangyayari sa kanya.

Labas pasok ako sa room inaantay ko sya sa labas ng bahay. Pero wala pa din. Sobrang nagaalala na ko. Hindi 'to first time. Sa tuwing aattend sya ng inuman kasama mga tropa nya. Lagi niya to ginagawa sakin.Uuwi sya kung hanggang kailan nya gusto umuwi. Hindi nagpapaalam sakin. Walang pakielam kung nagaalala nako.

so 5am dumating siya. Syempre ako as in galit na. Umiyak na ako agad asking him bakit sya ganyan? bakit nya ginagawa sakin to? Hindi manlang ba nya ako naiisip or mga anak namin? bakit hindi nya magawang umuwi ng maaga? knowing nakami lang 3 ng mga anak niya andito sa taas. Ano ba daw problema ko.Yan ang lagi nya sinasabi sakin. Tinatawanan nya pa ako kahit iyak na ako ng iyak. Yung parang hindi nya manlang nakikita na nasasaktan na ko sa paulit ulit nyang ginagawa.

He said sorry sorry daw his fault daw pero it's not sincere. Ginagawa nya yun kasi he wanted to sleep at para tumahimik na ako. Sabi niya kumain pa daw sila ng friends nya. Nabasa daw ng kasama nya chat ko but he asked his friend not to reply. Im like wtf? alam mo ba kung gaano na ako nagaalala tapos ikaw prang wala lang.Hindi pa magawang magsabi sakin kung ano na ginagawa nya.

Sa totoo lang, hindi ko alam. Wala na syang takot sakin. Eversince naman. He's confident na alam nyang magagalit ako pero at the end of the day,parang walang nangyari. Iiyak lang ako. Tapos okay na. Pag sinasabi ko sakanya na mamili siya, kung kaibigan nya o kami. Sasabihin niya sakin na "ayan ka nnman tapos pag umalis ak,hahanapin mo ako", Yung super confident na mahal ko siya kaya okay lang na magalit ako kasi di ko sya matitiis.

Pero what if mapagod nako. Sabi ko sa kanya napupuno nako. Gusto ko naman sana yung may takot syang mawala kami ng mga anak ko sa buhay nya. Yung may takot sya sakin. Bakit pag ako aalis umuuwi ako agad at tumtupad sa usapan. Bakit siya kahit alam nyang galit na ako okay lang,dipa din uuwi. Wala syang pakielam sa nararamdaman ko.

mabait si Ja. kaya ko nga yan mahal e. pero bakit ganito, ano na nangyayari samin? gusto nya magbago ako gusto nya maging sweet ako sa kanya. Kaso kung puro ganito ginagawa nya pano ko gagawin yun? buntis palang ako super stressed na ako. grabe na yung nararamdaman ko. Punong puno na ng galit puso ko. Ang gusto ko lang naman yung itrato nya naman ako na normal na partner. Sumunod sya kapag pinapauwi na sya, dapat nga magkusa na sya diba.

Ganito ba talaga kapag lumampas na sa 7years relationship? nanlalamig na? How can I save our relationship? Kaya pa ba namin to?

Mahal namin isa't isa pero alam namin na may kulang na saamin. Ilang beses na kami muntik maghiwalay. Matutuloy na ba? kaya ko ba? Ang hirap..

I had my mistakes, sya din. Buti pa sila nagcecelebrate ng anniversary. Ako nga hindi nya mailabas.
Kasi andun na ako sa point ng buhay ko na kahit nasa bahay lang basta kasama ko sila ng mga anak ko.
Kaya ko iwanan mga kaibigan ko para sa pamilya ko. They're my priorities.  :(

I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know if maayos pa namin to. I'm so tired.Pagod na pagod na ako umiyak for the same reason. Paulit ulit nalang. Walang pagbabago.


Where is the Love? :'(

PLURK

omg. I just found out that plurk is still working. For those who didn't know, plurk uhmm it's like the old twitter. HAHAHAHA!! nabasa ko mga heartaches  ko dun nung 2009, kakatawaaaa! sayang di ko na maaccess log in ko. Here's the link of my plurk profile.


HERE!!

GOOD OLD DAYS. ME.

It's been 2days straight and I really got addicted to taylor's new song "ME".

So dahil nga "ME" ang title naisipan ko magblog abt myself ng ver ylight lang naman.

How I miss those days wherein wala pang spotify at sa yahoo messenger lang ako nakikinig ng mga new songs.xx nakakamiss nung hindi pa masyado techy mga tao, nung naka n7o palang ako na phone. ☺☺pahirapan mag connect sa yahoo messenger tapos webcam pa gamit. haha. I'll share some old pictures here since mega throwback talaga tong post ko na 'to, then i'll caption kung may story behind the pictures. :))  

So let's all start with this chubby bunny, yeah that's me.  The Cutest Baby in the world :))

Cuteeeeeee!

Mga panahong gandang ganda ako sa pic na to. 1styr  hs ata ako nito. :))

2nd year highschool, usong uso magpapic sa studio kahit ang haggard ng itsura. HAHA!

Junior prom.oye! HAHAHA! eto yung wala pa ko taste talaga sa fashion.

*crissa synergy dance competition at sm san lazaro ;) eto yung unang laban namin na out of 12 schools top 3 kami
pasayaw na kami nyan pero naghanap talaga ako ng studio para makapagpa picture. Dpa kasi msyado uso cellphone nyan noon eh :D*

hayyyy ang dami kong namimiss noon!! ibang iba na talaga ngayon :(( i'll try to upload more pa and edit this blog. Eto na muna ngayon. xx Haha!

Happy 1st monthsary, Zayn

It was just a simple celebration at home with ja,zoey and dudaaaay. =-)

Cooked Buffalo chicken,tried it again and it's so good. *chambaaaa*

I added a lil bit of spagetti as well and we  bought Marble Cake.

❤❤JORDAN ZAYN❤❤

So last March 14,2019. I & jaja went to the hospital for my follow up checkup. We were there as early as 3am kasi nga mahaba pila and i don't want na tumagal at abutin pa ng lunch  time. So since pasaway nga ako and supposed to be feb pa dapat follow up ko,hehe. So the first doctor checked on me told me na dapat naka schedule na ko for cs. kasi due date ko march 26 pa ganyan. Pina IE ako sa second doctor and was told to wait at dadalhin na daw ako sa ER. so nagulat ako ngayon. lol. She said na naglalabor na dw ako and dapat na daw nga maCS. So come unprepared, pinagreready agad ako ng 2 bags of blood just incase daw na kailanganin ko ng blood. Told the family I needed it so eto si jerik pmunta agad sa hospital to donate. Silang dalawa ni Jaja. Ang tgal ko sa E.R, ilang beses ako in-IE at sobrng sakit na. HAHAHA! lagi kasi sinasabi na closed pa naman daw so wondering why ako pinababa sa ER. So ayun they told me na issched na nga daw ako in 3days.So nakahinga ako ng maluwag thinking hay salamat makakauwi pa and makakapagprepare pa. Kaso, yung last na doctor na nag IE saakin ayaw na ako pauwiin at issched nga ako for that day. Iniiwasan daw ksi ako maglabor kasi bawal nga. So ayun na nga, di na ako pinauwi at jusko ang hirap ksi pati pera wala kami dala ksi unexpected nga, So nagpahatid pa kami pera kay duday.Dumating sya mga 8pm. Pinasok ako operating room mga10 pm. Nakahiga na ako and nakatali na as in hihiwaan na pero pinaalis muna ako ulit kasi may emergency CS daw na kailangan unahin. So nagstay ako sa recovery room at natulog til 1am na bago ako naisalang ulit.. Sobrang bangag ko kasi nga puyat at super kaba ko idk why.Nung epidurial na i was praying na "Lord, give me strength,keep me and my baby safe"hanggang sa natapos na. Gising na naman ako during operation, 2hours din inabot. Hanggang sa narinig ko na iyak ni baby. Lakas nya umiyak at baby boy nga daw. Di ko pa nakita si baby not until 3am binaba na kami sa room. Super pogi nya and puti. Sabi ko pa nun grabe mas maputi pa sya kay ate zoey nya.

FIRST PICTURE
JORDAN ZAYN BALTAZAR NUBLA
3KLS
1:15AM 03-15-20

FIRST PICTURE(EYES OPEN)

FIRST MEET UP with ATE ZOEY negra hahaha! (galing ng swimming)

It was indeed a magical moment to have another baby in our life.:-) More blogs soon about mykiddos. 

long time.

hello blog. how are you ;/ well its been a long time tho. i am almost 8 months pregnant now. life isnt easy now. So many problems. but im still here, fighting. i know everything's gon be alryt. mahirap pero kakayanin. madaming nangyari pagpasok ng taon. i can say sobrang hindi ganda ng 2019 saamin. first, naospital si zoey before my birthday.. so i celebrated my birthday at the hospital again twice in a row na. she was diagnosed with pneumonia by that time and i felt bad napabayaan ko talaga sya since nag holiday and umuwi pa sina mami so were not at home palagi. well shes okay now. tho napilitan ako ilabas sya ng ospital dahil 2days palang 32k na bill namin, next thing was tito adam got so sick and was diagnosed with cancer. colon cancer specifically, saddddd. i dont know what to feel or to say. i felt so bad hearing that news and i cant look him in the eyes lately. hes here at home now taking a rest after his operation. hayyy, got lots of things i wanna say here but i dont know where to start. sa dami ng nangyayari ngayon. sinipag lang talga ko mag blog cz hawak ko laptop ngayon eh. sittin here sa sofa while typing. dami ko namimiss. wala pa akong post partum nadedepress na ko sa mga bagay bagay lol. anyway, i hope everything goes well for me. life's been tough lately. i knw God has plans for us. for my family. listening to this song right now. makes me feel calm. ang sarap umiyak, tomorrow by avril lavigne. ;/