cry harder!

Halaaaa grabe yung pain na nararamdaman ko as of the moment. Naiiyak na ko 😭😭😭 sobrang sakit. Alam ko na masasaktan ako pero di ko alam  na ganito kasakit!!! Di ako makaiyak. Kaya lalong mas mahirap. Kailangan ko itago yung pain. Sobrang sakit. Oh my gosh. I just wanna get drunk and sleep. Ayoko na. Sobrang sakit ng nararamdaman ko. 😭😭😭😭 idk what to do anymore😭😭😭  i just wanna cry!!!!!

Pain pain go away!!

Woke up today with such pain in my heart. Maybe because this is the last day i get to speak with someone so special to me. Decided not to talk to this person anymore because its the best thing to do. Sigh! This pain in my heart is sooo legit. Hahaha. Iniisip ko nalang it will pass & i gotta move on. Let go and move on, jhaymie. Easy to say but so fuckin hard to do. Oh come on. This is just really sad. I DONT KNOW HOW LONG IT WILL TAKE FOR ME TO BE OKAY but I hope its sooner. Because this pain is killing me softly 😭😭 huehue. It hurts so bad. 

one afternoon.

I don't know  i just wanna do some blogging whilst watching movie. I miss talking with my bestfriend. We haven't talk to each other for almost 48hrs now. I am getting so sad. :( i am missing this person so much.x 

Tryna do other things to forget things that hurt the most but its so fuckin hard. :[

Anyway, i just need to go with the flow and live life. Maybe its just really what it should be. 

Not so happy afternoon btw. Can't stop thinking about.. 

lockdown

Yep were still on lockdown because of corona virus. We're on lockdown til april 14th. Dnt know yet if the president will extend it.  Anyway, i just wanna do some blogging tonight. Since I can't sleep and everytime I do the blogging is whenever I don't have someone to talk to diba.

What am I feeling right now?

Honestly? I am kinda sad. Still sad coz i feel like i am no special person to anyone. Still the same reason though. I just wanna feel loved. Why am I always the second best? When will I be the only one? For whoever is ready may be confused but it's just really hard to explain my feelings right now. Arggg. Nakakamiss na pag nagtampo ka, may umaamo sayo kasi ayaw ka nyang mawala and ayaw ka nya makitang malungkot. 

Argg ayoko na tuloy tong blog na to. Mattulog nalang akoooooo. Goodnight!☺ 

Speechless

I am totally hurt right now. I knew from the very beginning that  this will happen. Eventually someone will get tired and will not be happy and satisfied anymore since YOU are not his priority because there's no US in the story. You were just someone who came along the way but will not be there cz he dont need you at all. 

Sad ending. But this is just surreal. MY HEART IS FUCKING BROKEN! I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN. 

But i gotta be strong & just move on. 

I am expecting this. I should'nt be sad.

This is my consequence. This is my karma. 

I ws left all Alone. Maybe you're all fed up with my dramas. 

Fuck life. 

my life is a mess!

I give up. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Ayoko na talaga Lord. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

I am so tired living this life!!!😭😭

Lord please give me strength for my kids.😭😭😭

I am so depressed! 

I dont know what to do anymore😭😭

Im tired with my life😭😭😭😭😭😭

falling.

 pano nga kasi maging strong? I'm trying to be pero why is it so hard? Hahahaha. Ang hirap labanan ng feelings. Kinukurot yung puso ko everytime na naiisip ko na ganito situation. Bakit ba laging ganito? Ano ba! Sinasaktan  ko lang sarili ko. Stop being so emotional nga jhaymieeee. Kaso tao lang. Talagang nasasaktan ako eh. Hays. Ang hirap itago yung part na super nahuhurt ako tapos mali naman na nasasaktan ako. Napaka gaga ko talagaaaaa! Aaaaaaaaahhhh!!! I wanna scream!!!!! I wannaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa cry. I wannnaaaaaaa get busy and forget everything! But seriously, it pains me a lot. And i don't want this to happen. 😔 ang hirap pigilan. Pero kaya ko to! I believe na lilipas din to. Matatapos din to. Pagdadaanan ko lang to then i'll be okay. Tatawanan ko lang to someday. Kaya i will fight and I will definitely hide all the pain hanggang kaya ko. No one will know. Kaya ko to mag isa. Ako pa ba. Been through a lot, and Ive been so independent since lola died.

LOLA,

 I miss you so much la. I wish you were here 😭 siguro everything would be so perfect if you were still here with me. Siguro di ako malungkot kasi andyan ka para ispoil ako sa lahat ng bagay. Andyan ka para tulungan ako magdecide about my kids and you were very supportive sa lahat ng decisions ko and di mo ako pinapabayaan. Di mo ako matiis. Sana andito ka pa la. Miss na miss na miss na kita. Sana naabutan mo dalawang kids ko siguro sobrang happy mo. Alam mo la, minsan feeling ko di ko na kaya mag isa. Pero naiisip ko nalang lumaban sa lahat ng bagay kasi di mo naman ako pinalaking duwag diba. Miss ko na happy family. Sunday get together. Closure namin magpipinsan, outings, swimmings , bondings. Miss ko na lahat. Simula ng nawala ka la feeling ko mag isa nalang ako. Huhu nakakaiyak. Miss na miss kita. Ang tagal na since nawala ka. Mag 8 yrs na pero sobrang sakit pa din. Sana makausap kita kahit sa panaginip lang kasi super need ko ng yakap mo. Katulad ng yakap mo sa huling panaginip ko sayo. Sana yakapin mo ulit ako kasi feeling ko napaka epic fail na ng buhay ko. Wala na kasi nagmamahal sakin ng katulad ng love na binigay mo sakin lola 😭 yung special ako sa lahat ng bagay. Yung di ko mararamdaman na mag isa ako. Hays iyak tuloy ako ng iyak ngayon la. Pero ayos lang naman umiyak diba. It's gonna be fine. Cry now and laugh later. Miss lang kita kaya ako umiiyak. Love you laaaaaaaaaaa. Tama na nga. Baka masobrahan ako kakaiyak. Para kong baliw. Mwah mwah! 

Anyway, today's an ordinary day. I was just in bed. Pero seryoso i wanna go out and have fun and just chill. Di ako nag gym. Gusto ko sa maingay na lugar pra makasigaw ako ng malakas then nobody cares. 

One day, i'll be fine. No more worries. No more heartaches. 

Ciao.