reality.

#mood

hello blog.

It's 2:05am. Super antok na ako but i have so much in mind and I can't sleep pa din. Bangag na bangag na nga ako. I even ate veggies na like 10mins ago pero eto gising pa din ako. Been listening to fuckin lonely songs for the past hours.

1. Itutulog na lang- the juans

2. Cant get out- jem

3. Tomorrow- avril lavigne

4. Hindi tayo pwede- acousticccccc

This has been on top of my playlist lol since morning.x

I don't know why but i just loved the lyrics. Makes me wanna do a cover. Lol kala mo talaga magaling kumanta. Haha anyway. Ang sarap lang ikanta ng lahat ng nararamdaman ko ngayon. I actually wanted to compose a song.  Just like the old times. Maybe one of these days i would. For now, ill just keep all the lyric in my head. I dont wanna cry while writing the song tho. Bwahaha. 

Pero kanina, while cooking lunch. I suddenly thnk abt it and i really cried. I even went to the toilet room ksi i burst out crying. Asking myself, why? Why do i need to feel this way over and over and over again? Why is it so hard to be completely happy? Haha i mean there's no perfect life diba. Kaso bakit parang lahat nalang ng tao ayaw sakin? Am i that bad enough for everyone not to see my worth? Sobrang self pity ko na ba? I deserve to be loved as well diba? Just go with the flow. That's my quote. But going with the flow is kinda hard when you're doing it alone. When you're the only one who has this feeling. At walang taong kaya magbalik sayo ng pagmamahal na hinahanap mo kasi hindi pwede and wala naman talaga. 

Sobrang OA ko na ba? I keep asking myself that. Why am I even crying? Ang alam ko lang is sobra lang talagang mahal ko kaya nasasaktan ako na ganun nalang talaga. Normal naman. Di naman ako sguro OA Or what. Normal naman siguro masaktan diba? 

Anyway, im about to go to bed na. Goodmornight & thanks for listening to my emote emote thingy again blog. You're all I have :) i have no one to share what i feel anyway. So sayo nalang lahat ibubuhos mga gusto ko sabihin. Nytieeeee. Xx

just wanna say goodnight.x

I cant sleep. Still nothing. I still feel empty. Good night. 😪

rainy morning.

Just woke up. & Am still in bed. Sarap sleep. La lungs. Just felt a little sad when i woke up. I just realized its tuesday & still nothing. Anyway, ako nalang nakakaalam nun lol. Hay ano baaaaa. I just wanted to end this. I wanted this to stop. Hindi na talaga tama. At sobrang sakit na. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! fuck life! Fuck the rules! My heart hurts so good. 

bianca's 18th

So yesterday was biancas debut. It was so exhausting knwing that i helped them decorating and all again. But at the end of the day seeing her so happy with her 18 blue bills and my doggy gift so worth it. 

Hahahaha. So cuteeeeeeee. And here's me rest rest lang sa bedroom. Was so tired and bored cz i cant drink and sila happy happy shot shot. Haha sana all. How i wish. 😒 

looks so haggard and ugly hahahaha. Anyway. Thats all there is. 😩

am I too much?

I just realizee that i am being too attached. Super duper OA na yata and nakakairita na ata ako. Tagal na issue nito. So pano ba. Ano ba talaga gagawin ko? Its just so sad when you wanted to show how you feel to someone but you just cant because YOU CANT. I dont want someone to feel irritated because of me messaging all the time. But thats whats happening now.x hay, minsan naisip ko, deserve ko ba talaga ba ganito? Di na ba ako talaga maappreciate ng mga tao. I dont know. I wanna go somewhere far alone 😩 and just stop thinking about it & move on. Hayy.