my life is a mess!

I give up. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Ayoko na talaga Lord. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

I am so tired living this life!!!😭😭

Lord please give me strength for my kids.😭😭😭

I am so depressed! 

I dont know what to do anymore😭😭

Im tired with my life😭😭😭😭😭😭

falling.

 pano nga kasi maging strong? I'm trying to be pero why is it so hard? Hahahaha. Ang hirap labanan ng feelings. Kinukurot yung puso ko everytime na naiisip ko na ganito situation. Bakit ba laging ganito? Ano ba! Sinasaktan  ko lang sarili ko. Stop being so emotional nga jhaymieeee. Kaso tao lang. Talagang nasasaktan ako eh. Hays. Ang hirap itago yung part na super nahuhurt ako tapos mali naman na nasasaktan ako. Napaka gaga ko talagaaaaa! Aaaaaaaaahhhh!!! I wanna scream!!!!! I wannaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa cry. I wannnaaaaaaa get busy and forget everything! But seriously, it pains me a lot. And i don't want this to happen. 😔 ang hirap pigilan. Pero kaya ko to! I believe na lilipas din to. Matatapos din to. Pagdadaanan ko lang to then i'll be okay. Tatawanan ko lang to someday. Kaya i will fight and I will definitely hide all the pain hanggang kaya ko. No one will know. Kaya ko to mag isa. Ako pa ba. Been through a lot, and Ive been so independent since lola died.

LOLA,

 I miss you so much la. I wish you were here 😭 siguro everything would be so perfect if you were still here with me. Siguro di ako malungkot kasi andyan ka para ispoil ako sa lahat ng bagay. Andyan ka para tulungan ako magdecide about my kids and you were very supportive sa lahat ng decisions ko and di mo ako pinapabayaan. Di mo ako matiis. Sana andito ka pa la. Miss na miss na miss na kita. Sana naabutan mo dalawang kids ko siguro sobrang happy mo. Alam mo la, minsan feeling ko di ko na kaya mag isa. Pero naiisip ko nalang lumaban sa lahat ng bagay kasi di mo naman ako pinalaking duwag diba. Miss ko na happy family. Sunday get together. Closure namin magpipinsan, outings, swimmings , bondings. Miss ko na lahat. Simula ng nawala ka la feeling ko mag isa nalang ako. Huhu nakakaiyak. Miss na miss kita. Ang tagal na since nawala ka. Mag 8 yrs na pero sobrang sakit pa din. Sana makausap kita kahit sa panaginip lang kasi super need ko ng yakap mo. Katulad ng yakap mo sa huling panaginip ko sayo. Sana yakapin mo ulit ako kasi feeling ko napaka epic fail na ng buhay ko. Wala na kasi nagmamahal sakin ng katulad ng love na binigay mo sakin lola 😭 yung special ako sa lahat ng bagay. Yung di ko mararamdaman na mag isa ako. Hays iyak tuloy ako ng iyak ngayon la. Pero ayos lang naman umiyak diba. It's gonna be fine. Cry now and laugh later. Miss lang kita kaya ako umiiyak. Love you laaaaaaaaaaa. Tama na nga. Baka masobrahan ako kakaiyak. Para kong baliw. Mwah mwah! 

Anyway, today's an ordinary day. I was just in bed. Pero seryoso i wanna go out and have fun and just chill. Di ako nag gym. Gusto ko sa maingay na lugar pra makasigaw ako ng malakas then nobody cares. 

One day, i'll be fine. No more worries. No more heartaches. 

Ciao. 

ohayo.

Slept early and woke up aftr 3hrs so now its 5am in the morning and im wide awake. Went to bayan para mamalengke with zoey who's also awake. Then frying some chicken to papak dahil di ko kaya ng eggs lang since d ako nagdinner. Haha anyway. Lots of things happened lately, some were sad. I mean most of it. So i am planning to move forward and i really want my attention na mapunta muna sa iba cz i really dont wanna be sad anymore. Naisip ko sobrang sayang ng life when im always sad. Naisip ko kasi parang ang tagal ko ng malungkot. Years na ba? Someone told me to be strong and just live life and not to get too emotional sa mga bagay bagay. Well i guess it's so damn true. I should be happy. I have my kids na nagpapasaya sakin so why be sad? I need to correct all my mistakes and plan my life now. I am already 29 and it really feels like i'm getting old. Oh my gosssh!! But still young at heart though. Lol  dami ko gusto gawin. I wanna travel kahit outside manila. Kung pwde lang mag isa ginawa ko na. Kaso takot pala ako mag isa. Haha. So ayun antay nalang ng pwedeng makasama siguro someday soon. Haha but that's just one of my plans. Pero gustong gusto ko na muna talaga mag work. As in!!!! Yan ang number 1 sa list ko. Para may pagkabusyhan ako and di maisip masyado mga bagay bagay. I wanna meet new friends. New environment. New me. Lol jk i won't change ofcourse. Hahaha pero push padin pagpapapayat ko memsh! Lavarn jhaymieeeeee. Kaya mo yan. Dapat bago mag december sexy ka na. HAHAHAHA!

ANYWAY, LUTO NA CHICKEN. KAIN NA KO. mornight blog.x thanks for bein there when i need to share what's on my mind. 😊

HERE'S MY FRIED CHICKEN. HAHAHAHAHHAA AND THAT'S ME BELOW. 

 

Broken Sonnet

Hello blog.x i just have no one to speak with. I am so sad. Bat ganto. Ang hirap naman maging masaya. What am I supposed to do? Bakit ko ba pinagsisiksikan sarili ko sa isang bagay na alam ko na hindi naman kahit kailan magiging akin? Grabeeeeeeeee nakakalungkot na!! Family problems, isa pa yan. May issue na naman sa family. Im tired. I wanna go sa mountain and cry fuckin out loud that no one can hear. I wanna scream all my feelings and emotions there. Am I really that bad? Sobrang sama ko na ba na tao. I deserve this! I am such a bad person :(( I don't know how to fix myself anymore.x I am so lost. I need to find myself. This isnt me. Wake up, jhaymieeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

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