Why?

Honest Mistake.

Lord i'm so tired.

Please help me lord. Pagod na pagod na po ako umiyak. Hindi ko na po ata kaya. :(( araw araw nalang din kmi nagaaway ni ja. Wala na din pakielam sakin si mommy. Wala na ata nagmamahal sakin. Im trying to be strong lord but i dont know kung hanggang kailan ko pa kakayanin. Sa sobrang galit ko sinabi ko na sana mmatay nlng kmi prehas ng baby sa tyan ko. Im so sorry lord. I didnt mean it. I NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO BUT IM ALONE. HELP ME LORD. 

13 weeks ♡

Hello baby. Sorry na lack of water pala si mommy. Promise iinom ako madaming tubig for you. Sana maging okay na tayo. May mild uti na din daw ako kaya may bago na naman akong gamot. I love you. We love you baby. ♡ 

So much pain. ♡

I don't really know why. But i am just really sad right now. Sabay sabay na yung pain na nararamdaman ko. Alam ko hindi to maganda coz i am now 13 weeks pregnant but lord please heal me. Heal my soul and help me forget all the things that hurt. ☹  sana mahalin ako ng mommy ko katulad ng pagmamahal nya sa iba kong kapatid. Alam ko mahal nya ako but then nagbago lahat yun simula ng bumuo ako ng sarili kong pamilya. Ngayon na masusundan na mas lalong lumala. I dont feel like i still have a family anymore. Namimiss ko yung dati. Yung sobrang close namin magkakapatid. Sabay sabay kakain. Ganun pa din naman ako sa kanila kahit nagka zoey na ako. Concern pa din ako sa kanila kahit na alam kong hindi nila nakikita yun. Parang mami ko, di nya din nakikita. Pero ayos lang. Pagsubok siguro sakin to ni lord. Pero sana matapos na kasi ang sakit sakit na. Araw araw nalang ako umiiyak eh. Kahapon naiyak ako naalala ko si lola. Siguro kung buhay sya, mas less yung pain. Kasi may nakakaintindi sakin. Kahit mali ako kakausapin nya ako maayos but tutulungan nya ako para mawala na yung pain nraramdaman ko. Kaso wala na sya eh. Wala na nagtatanggol sa akin. Mag isa nalang ako lumalaban sa pain na nararamdaman ko. Wala na ako kakampi. Sumasaya nalang ako kapag nakikita ko si zoey. Buti nalang din at mahal ako ni jaja ginagawa nya lahat para samin. Siguro malungkot ako kasi hindi ko na maramdaman na mahal ako ng nanay ko. Alam ko na mahal nya ko pero di na nya pinaparamdam yun saakin. Di nya matanggap yung second baby ko.  Naiinggit ako sa mga kapatid ko. Kasi napakasweet sa kanila ng mommy. Pero sakin, never yan nakapagpost ng sweet birthday greeting sa facebook wall ko. Pero kapag sila,  lagi yan sobrang sweet at touching na message sa wall nya pa. Alam ko di magandang magselos pero masisisi nyo ba ako masaktan sa mga ganun ka simpleng bagay? May time na naisip ko na sana nawala nalang ako. Para makita nya yung difference kapag wala na ako sa buhay nila. Para makita naman nila na nagsisikap and nahhirapan din ako. Na tao lang ako. Lagi kaai nasa utak nila nagpapasarap ako. Na walang iniisip na pagod niya. Na walang awa. Hello. Ganun ba ako kasama? Para di makita lahat ng sakripisyo nya. Lahat sila they always find me as big disappointment simula nagka anak ako. At nakakalungkot yun isipin. Purket ba hindi ako makaprovide ng needs nila since may priority na akong bago. Lahat sila sa japan na. Si leleng last year andun na. Si jerik sa april and probably susunod na din si duday after. Maiiwan ako dito kasi ayaw ni mami iwanan ko tong bahay. Okay lang yun sakin. Di ko alam ano plano nya. Pero hopefully sana maging masaya naman na ako sa mga susunod na panahon. Nakakapagod din maging malungkot and i dont wanna be depressed again. I want to move on from all of these pain in my heart. -_-  so please help me God. Wala ako masabihan ng nararamdaman ko kasi pag nagsabi ako ssbhn sakin nagseself pity. Without them knowing what i really feel. I am super super sad but i want to be free. I want to be happy. Alam ko may plan si papa God samin. At magiging okay din ang lahat. ❤

Thank you for hurting me ♡

The pain may not be easy to forget, the tears is really hard to hold. I gave up on you so many times, but I always end up hoping that you'll be back. How can I forget the words you've said. The plans for a lifetime that you insisted. The efforts you have done to get my heart. Those laughters we've shared together. You're not my ideal man, but in you, I found myself complete.

I was happy and contented before I met you. Then you came, you got close to my heart and finally, you own it. I feel so complete, and more than blessed. I feel like you're the man I've been praying for. Until we call it quit.

I will never lose you, its rare to meet someone like you, that is not just handsome, but also smart and with a good heart. I love you, don't ever forget that.

We were so happy and full of love.

We have called it quit but my heart never stopped loving you. But I still love you the same. There was no day nor time that had passed by that I didn't think of you. We may have ended the relationship with a reason until now I can't explain, but my love for you was never gone.

I miss you. I miss us. I miss myself when I'm with you. I miss everything about us.

I have done so many stupid things in life, I was hurt several times. I never thought you will be one day, belong to those stupid things I have done.

Why me? Why do you have to get close to me, tell me that you love me when in the end you're only purpose is to hurt me. Why did you have to tell me you love me when from the very start, you didn't have any intentions of taking our relationship seriously. What did I do wrong to be hurt like this? Does it bring you happiness knowing that I was so affected? These are just few questions I kept asking myself, but still, unanswered.

How? How can I go on with my life without you. How will I ever forget you when you never left my mind. How can I move forward if my life has stopped when we broke up. Without you, I have forgotten to explain the real meaning of happiness.

But the pain has to end. Today, I'm letting myself go. I know my worth and what I deserve. It maybe hard, but I know I will get there. Today, I'm moving on with full of love for myself. Little by little, I will be okay and I will forget that we have ever met.

Thank you for hurting me. Because right now, with this pain, I can see myself stronger than before. Thank you for hurting because now, I have realized my worth. Thank you for hurting me because now, I can say. I'm better than the girl you have played with.

#notmypersonalrelationshipwithJA lol

Life ♡

May mga panahon talaga na super malulungkot ka and you dont even know why. There's this one person who made me smile everyday this past few days. Sarap kakwentuhan. Forgot all of my problems cz of this person. Kaso lahat ata talaga ng kasiyahan ay may end. We dont talk anymore. Hahahaha. Drama. Got so many things i wanna say but guess this isnt the right page to post this. Maganda na sa memories nalang isave lahat ng yun. Hahahaha! 😊 i may be smiling but i am really sad right now.x 🙁🙁