DEVOL 💔

Hi blog, so how long has it been since I posted something here. Again, i do blogs when I am in pain. So here we go again.

The past few weeks were amazing. I am at my happiest moments. Few stolen moments were so damn crazy. 

Sobrang saya ko, i get to spend time with my friends again after a couple of years working and working. Guess what? Ang lakas ko na naman uminom ulit. Ang saya ko. Naranasan ko ulit malasing ng paulit ulit. Funny no? Masaya ko pag nalalasing. Kasi feeling ko, naka escape na naman ako sa lungkot ng mundo.

Someone made me so special this past few weeks and its just crazy. I havent felt so much loved after so many years. Thank you! Na spoil ako for so many things and naging princess treatment ako when we're together. Sobrang saya ko! May mga ganung tao pa din pala talaga.

 I also got reunited with my hs classmate where i haven't seen for like 17 years i guess. Can't even believe na we'll spend time talking and magiging ka vibes sa mga trip and all. Again, it was crazy. 

But suddenly, things aren't going very well. x hindi ko alam but something changed 😔 the princess treatment happened to be an option and napalitan ng sadness all night. I was crying all night since yesterday. I can't even eat. I can't smile. I was so damn sad. x I don't know what to do. 

Akala ko, magiging masaya ko ng matagal pero panandalian lang pala tong happiness na nararamdaman ko. Di pala magtatagal. Is it really that hard to be consistent? Or was it because things arent really not meant to be? 

I am so sad. I am starting to miss the happiness i had for the past 4 weeks. Magiging masaya kaya ako ulit? Yung gigising ako ng sobrang excited and saya? What should I do? Should i move on and escape this moment again? 😔 x. Iba yung lungkot na nararamdaman ko. Sobra! I can't even explain kung gano kasakit yung pain sa heart ko ngayon.  I thought everything is going well tapos sa isang iglap, ganito na naman.

Why naman ang hirap maging masaya? 😔 Di na ba ako magiging masaya ng matagal? Lagi nalang ba ko magiging malungkot? There's so many questions in my head and i don't even know how to answer sa sobrang dami.

It's just so hard to make decisions. I am not sure about God's plan but one things for sure, he won't give up on me and he'll stay by my side through this tough times. 

Nakakaiyak 😔 x literal na sobrang lungkot ko ngayon while typing tong blog ko today. Palagi nalang ako malungkot. May sumagip sakin sa kalungkutan pero bakit panandalian lang? 😔 

Kelan po ako magiging masaya ulit? 🥺

Pagod na ata ako a. Focus nalang ulit sa work? Para makalimot.  x 💔

AT THE MOMENT!!!

Literally crying right now. After ako mapagsalitaan ng kapatid ko ng hndi maganda tapos eto na naman. Pagod na ko. Hndi na natapos tapos yung issue na to. Pagod na pagod na pagod na ko. Sana matapos na lahat to. 😭😭😭  gusto ko ng maayos na buhay,yung walang iniisip masyado. May problema man pero mild lang. Hndi ko na maalala kelan ako tumawa ng malakas  puro pain nalang to and worry ang nararamdaman ko 😭😭😭 tapos wala ka pa masabihan na ibang tao ng problema mo😭😭  kelan ko ba mararamdaman na may taong concern at nakakaappreciate sakin 😭😭 i always fail those people who used to care about me 😭😭😭 am i meant to feel this way all the time? Am i really bad enough to deserve all the hatred from them just because of something. I don't know anymore 😭😭😭 I just hope na matapos na lahat ng to. Namimiss ko na maging masaya. Namimiss ko na may kaibigan. Namimiss ko na masayang pamilya. Sana buhay pa si lola. Things is never the same after she left us. Yung pamilya ko sobrang gulo na, wala na akong kaibigan naubos na din. Wala na din partner sa buhay na makakatulong makasurvive. Walang nagcocomfort, walang nakakaintindi, wala na lahat. Pagod na ko😭😭😭😭Si Lord nalang kasama ko, siya nalang yung nakakaintindi sakin. I am  so stressed. I am so depressed. Kung pwede lang may reset button, ginawa ko na 😭😭 matapos lang lahat ng to. Help me, Lord. For nothing is impossible with you,😭 malalampasan ko to lahat kasama ka😭 kakayanin ko to Lahat 😭 pero sana lord pakibilis kasi talagang pagod na ako😭😭

My life is a complete mess!!

Hindi ko alam kung anong mararamdaman ko. Pero ang alam ko sobrang hirap na hirap na ko. I am wondering if this is the karma for all of my sins. I am crying at the moment and have no one to talk to. I am lying in bed and nakatago sa comforter ngayon. Sobrang sakit na ng ulo ko. 5 hours na ako umiiyak. I am so struggling right now. 😭 Sobrang hirap!! Kaya ko pa ba? Magiging okay pa ba ako? 😭 Kakapit nalang ba talaga ako sa perfect timing ni Lord sakin? Kelan kaya yun? 😭 Lord, help!!! Kahit para sa 2 anak ko nalang. Wag na sana ako magkasakit. Sana matapos na ang lahat ng to 😭 ang pangit pangit ko na sa sobrang stress ko😭 hindi ko magawang lumabas kasi wala na akong confidence humarap sa tao. Di ko na alam pano ko pa aalagaan sarili ko😭 help me, Lord 🙏😭 help me get over this 🙏😭 

😭😭😭😭 Here's me crying atm. Uploaded it on tiktok.

birthday and zayn's surgery 🙈 2023 so far!

Just some random thoughts. Haven't been using this app for quite some time. So what's up about me. Things has been very great recently. Just celebrate my birthday the other day and i am so grateful, Lord. Thank you!!

Well just wanted to set my goal this year! First, i wanted to make sure that i will lose weight!! This has been my struggle for the past 10 years and I wanted it to happen this year!!! 

This was me on my birthday. Cooked dinner and ordered pizza lang since i have work that night! 😆

So one of the reason why di na kami lumabas is because Zayn got into an accident 2 days before my birthday. 😑

So Zoey and Zayn were playing that night and i heard a very loud bump na alam ko na nauntog na si zayn not knowing na super bleeding pala and tumama pala sya sa pinakabato ng slidng window namin. So here's what it looks like.

So grabe nagpunta kami sa commonwealth gen hospital saying they don't have a surgeon so we need to admit not sure when matatahi ulo ni zayn so lumipat kami sa feu. Same thing din. Grabe sila. Huehue kahit emergency na walang doctor. Wtf. 

So sa bernadino hospital lang pala kami mauuwi. We waited for like 3 hours ata hanggang sa tinahi na si zayn. 3 people were struggling para lang hawakan sya since it' painful talaga huhu and i was there to calm him down. 😢 6 stitches and successfull naman. Good thing na hndi sya nagsuka, or nahilo, nahimatay and seizure after mauntog so hndi na sya na ct scan but it was really a nightmare!

After the minor surgery, we went to jollibee as he's very hungry na talaga that time since he can't even drink aftr ng mangyari kasi bawal.

Super sleepy na sya nyan and bangag kakasigaw and kakalaban habang tinatahi sya so i'm so proud of my baby!!! Sobrang strong!!! Huhuhu 😢😢 thank you,Lord!!

Lesson Learned talaga. Super kulit lang talaga ni zayn 😑😑

So he's still in recovery, taking meds and all but was so glad to see na super kulit na nya ulit kahit naka bandage. 🤦🤦

Me working at home while taking good care of him 💋💋

Anyway that's it so far. 😑 HAHAHAHA im working now while blogging so. Yeah. 

october na? ƪ⁠(⁠˘⁠⌣⁠˘⁠)⁠ʃ

Wow! Can't believe na 2022 is ending too soon. Pero sana nga. This year has been so hard and still thankful na kahit papaano ay lumalaban pa din. xx

🤧🤧🤧

Anyway, i am just so sleepy and bored at the moment. Day off it is. Work again tomorrow. Ohhh, btw i received my new cases which i ordered in lazada. Ao worth the wait. Di ko na napic at super excited ako sa pooh case, but here's the other ones. Cheap yet so cutiee talaga. Napa bili na naman ako theme & font to match the case para mukang new lahat. Ganern. Xx

 

nakakainis 😡😡

Yung epic fail mong pasurprise na ikaw huling babati for the day eh epic fail na malala talaga! Bat ba ksi naisip ko pa na ako huling babati yan tuloy di na pwedeng bumati 🥲🥲 sayang yung cupcake 🥲🥲 pano na kita babatiin nyan🥲😭 

Happy birthday sa nagiisa kong bbf 🥲😭

Nalulungkot ako at naiinis malala 🥲😭🥲😭😡😭

ITSURA NG SUPER UPSET 😭😭😭😭 PAKSHET!!! 😭😭

Why do I only blog when Im in pain?

So bakit nga ba tuwing malungkot lang ako nagbblog? Like today. Kakatapos lang umiyak, namamaga pa yung mata. Hindi ko na alam pano ko pa ieexplain yung stress and emotional damage na nararamdaman ko ngayon but I trust God. Alam ko hindi nya ako papabayaan. Alam ko ihheal nya lahat ng pain na nararamdaman ko ngayon. Nagtitiwala ako sa plans nya for me and my family 🙏 why does it hurt so much? 

I don't wanna get sick because of stress. I need to stay positive and i need to be strong for my kids 🙏 so Help me God ❣️ 

If you're reading this and you also have lots of worries today, leave it all to the Lord and you'll be fine.

Trust the process, in God's perfect timing 🙏🙏

😭😭😭😭😭😭

Yeahh